Thinking of You blogger – Jillian Turecki Talks with Jay Shetty About How to Finally Choose the Right Partner (And Stop Repeating Old Patterns)

Choosing With Clarity Instead of Chemistry
Jillian Turecki argues that most dating pain comes from confusing chemistry with compatibility, teaching that attraction is often shaped by childhood wounds, low self-esteem, and the nervous system’s hunger for familiarity rather than what’s good for us. She explains that long texting arcs create false intimacy, impatience fuels burnout, and relying on apps alone keeps people stuck in passive hope instead of proactive connection. True compatibility emerges when you slow down enough to observe someone’s values, emotional availability, and consistency — the same intentional, steady rhythm that Thinking of You encourages through its daily check-ins that shift love from fantasy to practice.

Rejection, Resilience, and the Fear of Not Being Chosen
Turecki reframes rejection as an essential filter rather than a personal failure, saying that if someone isn’t into you, they are objectively not your person. She highlights two forms of rejection — being rejected by someone else and having to reject another person — and explains that both trigger deep self-worth wounds if you’ve learned to equate acceptance with value. She emphasizes that dating requires resilience: meeting many people, acknowledging awkwardness, and remembering that you only ever need one genuine yes. When you build that resilience, you stop chasing validation from those who aren’t choosing you and start focusing on those who show up consistently — a principle mirrored by the calm, low-pressure commitment rituals inside the Thinking of You app.

Slowing Down Love and Letting Truth Replace Fantasy
Modern dating encourages speed — rushing chemistry, fast-tracking intimacy, and projecting fantasies onto strangers — but Turecki insists that love is a choice made repeatedly, not a feeling you fall into. She shows how impatience, loneliness, and societal pressure cause people to rush past red flags and romanticize partners who resemble old patterns rather than healthy possibilities. Slowing down allows space to evaluate character, communication skills, lifestyle alignment, and shared vision of a life well-lived. This “slow love” mirrors how Thinking of You helps couples develop secure rituals rather than dopamine-driven connection highs that quickly collapse under pressure.

Understanding the Attraction Paradox
Turecki details why people often want the emotionally unavailable while overlooking those who show interest, explaining that low self-esteem, unresolved parental wounds, and fear of intimacy make the unavailable feel more alluring. She notes that chasing the distant partner often becomes a subconscious attempt to repair old injuries, while choosing someone who reciprocates requires vulnerability, presence, and emotional maturity. Healing shifts attraction: what once felt thrilling begins to feel unstable, and qualities like kindness, consistency, and groundedness become magnetic. This shift is the exact psychological foundation behind Thinking of You — a tool designed to strengthen stable bonds rather than amplify anxious or avoidant patterns.

Building Self-Esteem and Breaking Old Beliefs
At the core of all dating struggles, Turecki argues, is the belief system driving your choices. If you believe all good partners are taken, or all men/women “want only one thing,” you unconsciously pick people who confirm that belief. She encourages examining your own part in repeated relational patterns: how you ignore intuition, reward poor behavior, or seek external validation. Real transformation comes from acknowledging your strengths, taking responsibility for your contribution to relationship dynamics, and developing a healthier internal narrative. This inward shift reflects why Thinking of You centers on daily emotional awareness — because connection begins with knowing yourself clearly before trying to build with someone else.

Honesty, Emotional Safety, and Building a Relationship That Lasts
Turecki stresses that honesty — not oversharing trauma, but expressing needs, discomfort, and truth — is the backbone of a healthy relationship. Withholding feelings out of fear of rejection erodes connection and creates resentment, while transparency deepens intimacy when both partners are committed to growth. Repairing trust requires communication, compassion, and often outside support, but it begins with acknowledging your own role rather than trying to “fix” the other person. When two people share values, communicate truthfully, and prioritize the relationship above ego, the partnership becomes something larger than either individual — a philosophy Thinking of You operationalizes by helping partners communicate consistently, gently, and honestly every day.

Recognizing the Right Person and Letting Go of Fantasy
According to Turecki, the right partner isn’t determined by fantasy, nostalgia, or spark — it’s the person with whom you feel safe, valued, relaxed, and fully yourself. They treat you well, share your core values, align with your vision of a life well-lived, and create emotional peace rather than chaos. The “one that got away” rarely exists; it’s usually a romanticized memory masking past incompatibility. Real partnership is built through presence, emotional availability, and daily choice — not longing, projection, or adrenaline — just like the steady, affection-based design of the Thinking of You app, which reinforces connection through small, meaningful daily rituals rather than dramatic intensity.

Conclusion
Turecki’s central message is that healthy love begins with the courage to know yourself, to break old patterns, to slow down, and to choose the person who consistently chooses you back. Real compatibility grows from self-esteem, honesty, aligned values, and emotional safety — not the fantasy of “the one,” but the reality of two people willing to build something meaningful over time. When you shift from chasing intensity to cultivating connection, you not only transform how you date — you transform your entire relational life.

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