Reframing “Choose Better” as Protection, Not Blame
Tanya, known as the “Love Lawyer,” believes that telling women to “choose better” is not about blaming them for abuse but about protecting them from it. With years of experience as a family lawyer who has seen the aftermath of abusive and toxic relationships, Tanya knows the cost of being unprepared for emotional manipulation, coercion, and control. Her message is rooted in compassion, not criticism. Abuse is never the victim’s fault, but pretending that the world is always safe only leaves women more vulnerable.
Education Over Accusation
Tanya explains that conversations about prevention are often misunderstood as victim blaming. Many people hear “choose better” and think it suggests that women are responsible for the actions of abusers. Tanya rejects that idea completely. Her perspective is grounded in reality. Society should work to end abuse and hold perpetrators accountable, but waiting for a perfect world means leaving women unprotected in the meantime. Education and awareness are the best defenses available now. Recognizing red flags, understanding control patterns, and trusting intuition are not signs of self-blame. They are acts of self-preservation.
The Difference Between Idealism and Reality
Tanya challenges the claim that “it shouldn’t matter if a woman chose badly.” She agrees that in theory it should not matter, but points out that life rarely matches theory. The truth is that choices still carry consequences, even when those consequences are unfair. A woman is never responsible for abuse, but she does have power over what she accepts, what she overlooks, and when she decides to leave. That power only exists when she is informed. Tanya’s mission is to shift the conversation from blame to preparation and from shame to strategy.
Tanya challenges the claim that “it shouldn’t matter if a woman chose badly.” She agrees that in theory it should not matter, but points out that life rarely matches theory. The truth is that choices still carry consequences, even when those consequences are unfair. A woman is never responsible for abuse, but she does have power over what she accepts, what she overlooks, and when she decides to leave. That power only exists when she is informed. Tanya’s mission is to shift the conversation from blame to preparation and from shame to strategy.
Awareness as a Form of Armor
To Tanya, awareness acts like armor. Women deserve to have the tools that help them identify unhealthy dynamics before they escalate. That means recognizing emotional manipulation, understanding the difference between love bombing and genuine affection, and knowing where boundaries should stand. Empowerment, she says, is not about cynicism or mistrust. It is about discernment. Women should be free to love deeply while also seeing situations clearly.
To Tanya, awareness acts like armor. Women deserve to have the tools that help them identify unhealthy dynamics before they escalate. That means recognizing emotional manipulation, understanding the difference between love bombing and genuine affection, and knowing where boundaries should stand. Empowerment, she says, is not about cynicism or mistrust. It is about discernment. Women should be free to love deeply while also seeing situations clearly.
Facing the Gap Between Idealism and Real-World Risk
Tanya also explores the tension between how relationships should work and how they often do. Too much of today’s conversation centers on ideals such as “men should do better,” “patriarchy should end,” or “abusers should change.” These goals are valid but not immediately useful for someone trying to stay safe in the present. Her approach focuses on what can be controlled now. People cannot control systems or other individuals, but they can manage their own boundaries, expectations, and choices.
Empowerment Through Realism
The heart of Tanya’s message is empowerment through realism. This perspective is not about distrusting men but about trusting yourself enough to see truth early. Sometimes that truth means walking away before commitment, turning down unhealthy attention, or valuing peace over partnership. Tanya encourages women to redefine success in relationships as choosing wisely rather than simply being chosen.
The heart of Tanya’s message is empowerment through realism. This perspective is not about distrusting men but about trusting yourself enough to see truth early. Sometimes that truth means walking away before commitment, turning down unhealthy attention, or valuing peace over partnership. Tanya encourages women to redefine success in relationships as choosing wisely rather than simply being chosen.
Connection and Conscious Communication
Tanya’s philosophy aligns with the purpose behind Thinking of You, an app that encourages reflection, communication, and emotional awareness between partners. Just as Tanya believes prevention starts with self-knowledge, Thinking of You helps couples build healthier foundations through intentional daily questions and open dialogue. Both share the same purpose: to help people connect thoughtfully rather than reactively and to choose love with clarity instead of confusion.
A Call to Awareness, Not Judgment
When Tanya says “choose better,” her message is simple. She is not assigning guilt but offering guidance. Her call is for education, empowerment, and protection. The world may not always be fair, but awareness offers safety in the places where fairness falls short. Knowledge cannot eliminate harm completely, but it can prevent it more often—and that difference can save lives.
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